I am going through menopause and I am 70 lbs over weight. After years of sick family members, I have kind of let my self die. Not in a good way. I admit that I am passive, and it is easier for me to give myself away than to take care of myself. But I go down fighting, hating every minute of losing myself in the process. It hurts to give yourself away. I hurt. I am bone weary in my spirit. I can't focus well anymore. I can't remember simple things.
Over the last year I have felt myself being lifted like a balloon getting farther and father away from the ground, the wind of everyone else's need carrying me...I float from task to task, will myself to touch down and take care of business, and then I am airborne again. Lately I can't even seem to gain footing, to touch down at all. My cluttered brain is trying to sort this all out and can't. I have to put one foot in front of the other and get back on track...but first I have to find the track, find the ground...
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I'm wondering if there's something you are trying to avoid, something that DRIVES you to distract yourself in everyone else's worries and concerns. I KNOW they are valid...But they are ALWAYS valid. the real NORMAL, I think is being able to stay sane in the MIDST of it all.
ReplyDeleteMaybe by keeping busy you have avoided the hard work it will require to lose weight, to do what it will require you to live in that ZONE that YOU LOVE.. I love you with my whole heart, and YES IT IS TIME for GERI..to figure it out...My life is total devastation and completely out of control in my circumstances, and YET in the midst of it I am still sure of what I'm called to do, and want to do. And then I go from there.
You have a grounding that is deep in there, and I know you know what it is,,,NOW you need to STAND in it and BE it...You are right, you need time to clear the cobwebs and to really be able to hear your head think again. You are one of the smartest women I have known, and I mean with my whole heart, you are brilliant in your brain and in your compassion.
As Christians, and especially as ex-pastor's wives, we have learned all too welll how to care for others. We've somehow been made to feel like others are more important than ourselves.
I am absolutely convinced and confident in the work that I do, that Women would be so much happier, and would be able to help others actually in an even BETTER way if we would allow ourselves to CARE FOR US.
I am really coming from my whole experience convinced even more that we HAVE to take time for ourselves, that we MUST retreat to hear ourselves think.
Stick with your pain Geri, your exhaustion, move through it, this time, ABSOLUTELy do whatever it takes to lose the weight that ties you down. Maybe the weight has been a safety net for you because you've been so burdened down with your children and all the other chaos that has enveloped your life. Now is the time, to really and truly lose the weight, to feel light, and free, FREE.
I'm here for you, in body and spirit.
Love you so much.
Congratulations for the beginning of the journey.
Thanks my love!
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