What was supposed to be a "month for me" has become a month for "what the heck is going on?" If you are a guy or squeemish, I would go to a fishing or biking blog right now cos it's gonna get graphic. Not in a good way.

HEALTHY EATING
But first: I am now hooked on oatmeal for breakfast, since I decided I just was NOT going to eat it without salt, butter, sugar and cinnamon. So now, a formerly bland artery declogging gruel tastes like a Cinnabon goodie...well it's STILL Oatmeal, right?

So my initial plan for this blog was to get up every day, have my healthy breakfast, have my quiet time, and go for a brisk walk. My summer plan is to end up hiking and/or some other form of torture, I mean, exercise, for 3-4 hours a day until I have shed 50 lbs. Cos THAT'S what HAS to happen, and there is no getting around it, right?

Well last Friday my wonderful body decided three weeks was long enough between periods. Yes periods. Yes at my age. At least I hope they are some kind of periods, rather than a dread disease.

Warning #2: I think I did mention Menopause was going to be a topic in this blog, right?

That's because I am going through 'it,' whatever it is....and finding out 'it' can be quite an adventure, one that NO man would survive, kind of like childbirth, but it is much longer than 9 months. There is Peri Menopause, which can last 10 years or more, and Menopause which is not over until you have not had a period for a year. Which means you can NOT have a period for 11 months and then have one and whoops! you have not "gone through Menopause" yet...

Well, the technical terms surrounding this mysterious 'change' are all bunk. And my aunt Chila LIED. She said she "just had a period one month and then never had one again." No hot flashes, no erratic periods or behavior.

Since all my life, from the age of 12, (except for during my 4 pregnancies, and the year my Dr. had me on non-stop birth control pills for my endometriosis,) my reliable monthly friend came exactly every 27 days, I expected to have a reliable "change of life." R I G H T. And I expected that if things got crazy, bio identical hormones would help things along.

Fact is, my periods were not always friendly. I did have years of very heavy ones. I was diagnosed with fibroids. I was not too worried about it, since I am one of the few people that I know of who has had supernatural healing for Endometriosis, complete with medical confirmation to my doubting insurance company from my Doctor.

To shorten the story, back in the late ninetees, 2 knife happy second opinions wanted to take all my parts out because my fibroids were causing the bleeding. But another two did not think it was necessary. "The fibroids shrink at menopause, and that's right around the corner for you."

12 years later I think I finally see that corner. Periods are fewer and father apart. But this whole thing, it ain't pretty. And it appears that bio-identicals make the bleeding worse for me. So recently I was told by my latest Gyno that I had to have an Endomerial Biopsy and then wait ten days for the results to see if I had Uterine Cancer.

Know this: my mom died at 54 from a type of Fibroid Tumors not known to respond to chemo or radiation. All you could do was take them out and wait until one popped out elsewhere, then take IT out. It was an 18 year race.

So my sister and I have a real aversion to waiting for test results. Even though we have 'cancelled the curse of cancer' from our families...but we are naughty and fat. But now we are doing something about it, the disease causing fat, that is. More on THAT another day.

In the meantime, I was told by the entire staff that the Endrometrial Biopsy would hurt as much as the worst mentrual cramps I have ever had. No anesthesia.

Well, I had just been to my very female-loden family reuinion on my Mom's Mom's side and the Female Force, and the Holy Spirit (who has lots of female traits) and Jesus, and my good friend Shirley, were all totally with me, and it did not hurt at all.

BENT OVER AND BACKWARDS
But because I am still working on the 1 Month for ME concept and I don't always know how to say NO, I was on my feet working the next day, and then began a hellish week. While I waited for my results I developed the WORST gas pains and cramps I have ever experienced in my life, which got worse every day. I literally could not straighten up. Then the floods, I mean, bloods, came.

So much for walking every day. I walked twice. And even though my whole abdominal and pelvic area ached and burned, I needed sugar all week like an addict needs his fix.

THE RESUTS.
So I go in yesterday and the Dr. says, "good news, no Cancer." I sit there waiting for the bad news. She has none. I DO. I am bleeding. My hormone levels on my blood tests say I should not be. Well so far nothing indicates anything bad, but "we will do another ultrasound, and maybe a D & C." If you are a guy and still reading this, it's your fault you are having to hear about dialation and cutterage. I know. Owie.

LIFE IN THE SLOW LANE.
So now I have menopause symptoms which are like PMS on steroids, (insomnia, exhaustion, moodiness, palpitations) plus I have menstrual symptoms. And I feel ancient. And I am supposed to be excercising to get more energy and lower my blood pressure. CAN YOU SAY "HAVING A HARD TIME MAKING THIS WORK?"

My funny brother in law, who is a Doctor, said I just have too much Estrogen. "You are just TOO feminine, Boo." My inner response was, well someone has to be around here since, since, as a Mom of three lovely young men, I have no daughter or mother, and you have hijacked my only sister to the outer regions of the universe (Montana). (I love him and he's perfect for her!)


THE CLOUD
When I showed my husband the picture of what a normal uterus looks like ( a small pear), and what my somewhat enlarged one looks like, he thought mine looked like a cloud. That's cool. Clouds are pretty....Then I remember my cloud of witnesses, my female ancestors who have passed this test before me, The Female Force. (My mom was actually still having periods when she died.) And I remember my sis is only a call away and would be here in a New York minute. And I remembered all my girly cousins ages 3-70, and my wonderful girlfriends. And really, my very suppotive sons and husband; I am sure they have some estrogen in there somehwere...And the Holy Spirit, and Jesus, the ONE guy who understands, because he birthed the Universe.

Pains and blood and weight come and go. But what is eternal is wrapped in Maternal LOVE. I have experienced that. I have it in me. It keeps spurring me on to take care of myself...That makes me happy. Like Maddie in James Scott Bell's book "Breach of Promise" said to describe how she felt when she was happy,
MY HEART IS BEAUTIFUL.